My Friend, My Partner and My Lover - Poem

My Friend, My Partner and My Lover

He is dying
There are no pills that can save him now
The doctors have done all that they can for him
It is only a matter of time before he fades away into nothing but an empty shell
Dust scattered on the wind
The nurses give him pills to ease the pain or injections when they can find a vein
Not many good ones of those left in his body now
They come in every day
They wash and dress him
I sometimes think that it is a waste of their time
He is going to die a wash and a smart set of clothes won’t alter that fact
I have to feed him not that he eats a lot
To see a grown man dribble food down his face makes me feel quite sick
I feel uncomfortable and disgusted with both him and myself
I hate to see him like this
He looks like an old man
He could be my father, my grand father even he has aged so much
He is not the man that I used to know
The man I fell in love with died many moths a go
This man is a stranger to me
He is pale and weak
He is thin and frail
He is unable to move without help
I have to help him go to the toilet or get into bed
He depends on me and the twenty-four care I give
I am his arms and legs
I am his voice when he is too tired to speak
I am his friend
His family avoids coming to visit
They are ashamed of what he has become
They are unable to look at him
He is nothing more than a living vegetable
Lying on the bed he looks just like a child’s rag doll
He is lifeless and limp
All of his energy has been sucked away
I hold his hand and pat his head
I hold him in my arms and cradle him like a baby
We cry together for a life wasted
I lie in bed next to him and listen to him breathe
I am afraid to look to the future
I will be so lonely when he has passed on
We have been together for so long
I never thought it would come to this
I never believed that he would die
He is still so young
He was always so handsome and gentle now he is a walking skeleton
We fell in love the second we met
We shared a special bond greater than love itself
The end is getting nearer day by day
I can see it in his eyes
Part of him has already moved on, I am left with a few sagging remains
I want to cry but I don’t want to appear weak
I have to be strong for my friend, my partner and my lover
He is all that I have got left and soon he will be gone
The doctors tell me that I am getting worse all of the time
It won’t be long before I end up like my friend
There will be no one to look after me
I will end up in a hospital or home cared for until my death by strangers
We didn’t intend to get sick it just happened
We weren’t careful enough and now we are both paying the price for our stupidity
I lay awake listening for the slightest noise
Everything is quiet
I look over to where he is lying
He is still and silent
I check for a pulse but he has gone, slipped away in his sleep
Finally his battle has come to an end
Peace descends over the room
His suffering is over just as mine is about to begin
I hold his naked body in my arms and sob loudly
I cry for what seems like an eternity
There will be no one to cry when I die
I kiss his cold lips and cover his body over with the sheet
I don’t want to let go
I turn over on my side and try and get some sleep
As one nightmare ends another is soon to begin
I wonder to myself how long it will be before someone, a stranger, is covering me over with a white sheet and saying look what became of him



I wrote this piece when the news was full of stories about AIDS and how people were still not being careful despite the risks.