A Poem for Bella - Poem

A Poem for Bella

I am alive, more alive than I have ever been in my entire life, yet I feel completely dead inside
Love and passion swirl like a dangerous chemical combination around my body
Two harmful substances that dare not mix
Oil and water
Consequences I am powerless to handle
A swarm of bees cocooned in a human hive
Trapped in a useless shell of skin and bone waiting to fade away
To become nothing more than a scant memory that drifts by once in a while on special more memorable days
To expire like a carton of milk when it reaches its sell by date
To curdle or rot like leaves on wet ground trampled time and again under marching feet
Compost for insects or dust and ash to be scattered randomly on uneven land
My nerve endings prickle with anticipation; they are live wires with no earth
I am a bolt of electricity waiting to strike, like lightening lighting up a rain soaked cloudy sky
I am a pylon with currents running out of control, coursing from every pore, every fibre of my body
I am on fire
A fire that rages out of control throughout my very being
Flames lap with a great intensity at the contours of my heart
Threatening to extinguish my soul
To engulf the flame that shines like a beacon on an isolated lighthouse just for you
Warning others to steer clear
To avoid my presence at all costs
It strangles every breath I struggle to set free from my charred lungs
Red and raw, scarred from the inside out
My whole body full of an unnamed poison that travels through my veins
Nothing remains untouched I am at its mercy
A mercy it refuses to grant no matter how long and hard I beg
I cannot decide if I want to die or live
Each option comes with a bitter pill to swallow
I am a rock, jagged and highly dangerous
A concrete pillar fused with the earth
A time bomb waiting to go off
Crash into me and I will destroy whatever comes near
People and possessions once solid objects crumpled into soft dry dust
Feelings shattered with one quick blow
Loved ones tossed aside as if meaningless
Objects in a game of chess nothing more
My body a suit of solid armour that fights night and day to keep everyone away
Cold shinny metal against my pale skin, an external skeleton that binds itself to my body
Wielded to my flesh I am a monster walking in a human’s shoes
It claws at my skin trying to find a way to escape its human cage
Feeding off my pain and anguish, it thrives like a new born baby clinging to its mother’s breasts
I thrive on love whilst a baby thrives on its mother’s milk
Survival of the fittest
Determination and a strong will my weapons of choice
Fists and guns are pointless here
My blood boils bubbling away as if in a caldron
Bright red it serves to remind me that I am alive
Steam rises as the temperature peaks off the scale threatening to consume all that is left of me
My smile wry and false
A weary façade I struggle to keep
Swollen cherry red lips cracked and bleeding
Casualties of this brutal war
Dark rings under my heavy eyes; like anchors from a boat moored out at sea, they drag me down
Sleep an enemy I do not need
Dreams and nightmares eat at my subconscious
Dangerous games of mind control
Lust and longing blended cruelly together with constant death and loss
A burden I find hard to carry, like a suitcase filled with boulders and gigantic rocks
Following me like an invisible shadow wherever I go
Haunting me, reminding me of my past mistakes
Taunting me like a joker in a pack of playing cards
Self-absorbed thoughts cloud my waking mind, like a veil of thick mist
Pulling at my clothes dragging me down and down
I feel myself drowning
My head reaches the waters surface only to be pushed further down once again
An invisible hand, a moment of sanity that breaks through the barriers I have erected in my head
Down into the abyss, a dark watery grave where plants and debris will hold me down until I can move or fight no more
A coffin built from the embers of a passion so great that it stood the test of time
A self imposed prison with walls and chains only visible to me
Obsessed, like a crazed person, I strive to achieve just one simple goal
Emotions fly in and out of my head, like fireworks going off late at night
Exploding through the midnight air at a rate of knots
The fallout catastrophic
Burning embers fall to the ground injuring those whose dare to step in their cruel un-calculating path
There is no justice, no policing, just a randomness that cannot be fathomed
Faces distorted beyond recognition
Skin mutilated, ripped apart in a weak moment of fury
Wounds that leave a permanent scar
Outward wounds that make you feel physically sick to the stomach
Internal wounds that feel like a sharp pointed knife has been rammed deep into your heart
Burned, fatally wounded, and savaged by creatures whose name you cannot say out loud
Mutilated bodies trampled under foot as people, the innocents, run for cover
Innocent or enemy I cannot tell the difference anymore
I see a mass of begging, pleading faces blurred into one
Fragile beings torn apart for nothing but love
Faced with tormenters who look just like one of us
A hidden enemy, undercurrents of evil and bitterness everywhere
Hearts ripped in two
Gorged out by ancient hatred and unspoken rules passed down through the years
Generations of anger festering like a grenade, its pin long since lost
Young and old banned together with a common thread
Blood spilled like claret flowing freely from an upturned bottle
Cascading like a river around my brittle yet still dainty feet
Staining my skin, a tattoo to permanently remind me of my past life
The numbers of dead etched into the soles of my feet
Markers that will stand the test of time like concrete crosses on an unmarked, unnamed grave
People who once had names lost forever
Floating, homeless with nowhere for their tortured souls to go
Survivors few and far between, lost and so alone
Terrified and damaged forever
Eyes glazed over in horror, hearts beating to a wild frantic beat
People I once loved and cared for abandoned all in the name of love
Family and friends words I now find so hard to comprehend
Reckless abandonment on my part causing them to fall at my feet - one by one like a tower of wobbling cards balancing on hope and a miracle rather than anything solid
Floating helplessly like a plucked feather in the air
Faith lost by the roadside, regained then lost again
No salvation that will save me now
I have lost my identity
Destiny mapped out by the stars, swerving and changing course over the days, months and years
A new path comes with new decisions, new agendas, and new rules to behold
An egg timer always half full
Borrowed time something I can ill afford yet crave like an addiction
A drug I need desperately to consume if I am to survive
A war I cannot hope to win yet I am a willing foot soldier
Expendable cannon fodder little more
My life put on hold from the first time I gazed longingly into your too perfect eyes
The first time I saw your chiselled face and your statuesque skin
In a split second I fell hopelessly in love with you
A spell so powerful it knocked me off my feet
Love at first sight
I stepped on a landmine and what was once black and white became bright and colourful
Animated and so alive
I turned a corner and I fell into your waiting arms
I haven’t stopped falling since






This poem was written from the point of view of Bella, the main female protagonist in the best-selling book Twilight. It looks at how her life has been literally turned upside down since meeting and falling in love with Edward Cullen.