Alone - Poem

Alone

My heart feels like an anchor dragging me down until I can no longer breathe
Engulfed in pain I fear the future, the scars of the past haunt me day and night
Piercing my body, every thought and every feeling is like a shard of jagged glass cutting deep into my flesh
Darkness follows me like a thunder cloud ready to explode over head
Drowning me in shadows, nightmares from the past
Blades cut my skin, draining the blood from my body
Like a river it flows freely, reminding me that I am still alive
Taunting me, teasing me, driving me crazy
A silent voice echoes constantly in my head
Reminding me of what has been and what is to come
A waking nightmare
I look in the mirror and see a monster looking back at me
I do not recognize this person; I do not like the image cruelly smiling back at me
I look for love and find only emptiness
Hurt constantly by those I have chosen to love and those whose duty it is to love me
I look for comfort and joy but find only pain and sadness, never ending sadness
I seek happiness and understanding but my mind plays tricks on me, the evil voice inside my head tells me I am worthless, ugly, fat, a complete waste of space
I should never have been born
All these words linger like a bad smell
Trailing me wherever I go
I long to feel alive, truly alive
To be happy, really happy if only for one day
To feel affection and to believe that I have a role to play on this earth
I cannot find anything to hold onto no matter how hard I try
I search and search but it is all in vain
I am alone yet surrounded, vulnerable, weak, afraid
I reach out but no one is there to grab my hand
I call but no one comes rushing to my aid
I hear the voices in my head mocking me, laughing loudly
My life flashing before me like some sad movie without a top name
Loved out of duty, not desire or wanting
Used and abused by family, loved ones and friends
Acquaintances by the handful but no one there to embrace me at the very end
Alone
If I die who will mourn my passing
Another blot on a tarnished landscape
No one important just another number, another statistic, another easily forgettable name