Little Boy Lost - Poem

Little Boy Lost

It is like a volcano has erupted spraying moult and lava all around
There was no warning, no chance to prepare, and no time to run or escape
Harmony shattered like a piece of glass
Ashes raining like giant hailstones from a dark foreboding sky
A silent punishment I am forced to stand and receive
I cannot beg forgiveness too much precious time has passed by
I am trapped
I look in front and see the man I have become
I look behind and see the man I once was
Questions unanswered, I am lost – a little boy once again
Finding my feet for the very first time
I ask myself difficult questions – Who am I and do I like what I have become?
Answers are hard to find in my blurred mind
Where once there was clarity now there is only fog
Dense like a prison, sealing in my mind
A clock frozen in time
Words unspoken, regrets
Memories released like a minefield
Eating a hole in the present day
Destroying the fabric of my soul, my reality
Blasting an unwanted path into my current life
The damage is too big to go unnoticed, too massive to easily repair
Emotions burst forth from every pore of my body
The weight, like a cross on my back, drags me down
There is a hand gripped tightly around my throat squeezing every inch of life out of my body
Should I put up a fight or fade into the darkness?
I feel battered and bruised, like I have done ten rounds in a boxing ring
Torn apart, ripped to shreds by an invisible force to powerful to comprehend
One second I was racing through life on cruise control the next I am hanging dangerously near to the edge of a very high cliff
My hands bleeding and the flesh torn, nails splintered
My heart feels more like an anchor
I am lost, lonely and afraid
So much I wish I had said and done
Actions too late to carry out
A knife with a razor sharp blade pierces a deep hole in my chest, gouging out my beating heart
Holding it aloft as it beats its few final beats
Blood dripping like a fountain of water falls to the floor
For every emotion I feel there is yet another metaphor
I cry tears a river deep
Tears of pain and anguish, tears of lost love and ancient regret
Tears for a past I once had and lost
A life I gave up on and walked away, yet it has followed me like a ghost
Haunting me until now when it confronts me knocking me completely off guard
Hurtling me perilously near to heavens gate
Like dry leaves my tears fall effortlessly to the ground
I rewind the clock, piece together the past
Look from every angle, way up every lasting mistake
You cannot torture me more than I torture myself
I am my own tormenter
I flog my own body
Beat myself up internally until I can no longer withstand the agonising pain
Push myself to the edge of life then crawl back off the ledge once again
I will keep going
I will withstand the anguish, the pain and the regret
In time, maybe days, maybe weeks I will be able to turn the page and start a new chapter in my life