Maybe - Poem

Maybe

She feels lost and confused
She travels through life in a daze
Every day is a blur
She thought that she was strong
She thought that she could cope with anything that life threw at her
She always prided herself on holding her head up high
Nothing bothered her
She had a great life
Now she sits alone sipping a mug of tea watching the world pass her by
She feels beaten and bruised
There is a hole where her heart once lived
Once full of love and joy her heart was ripped out and replaced with emptiness
Overnight happiness turned to sadness, joy to pain
Words of love and tenderness were replaced by words of hate and rage
She can’t believe how things have changed
Dreams shattered
A river of tears cried
Doors slammed, voices raised
What did it achieve?
She feels like giving up
There is nothing to fight for anymore
No purpose to her life
Her energy for life has been eroded
One mug of tea becomes two, then three, then four
She has no place to go
Nothing better to do
Strangers stop and stare
People point at her
They laugh at her misfortune
Once upon a time she would have cared
Now she gets through each day as best she can
She is clinging onto life
Hanging by a thread
She wants to jump but it is along way to fall
She tries to put on a brave face
Negative thoughts and feelings constantly fill her head
She is trapped in a world of despair
There is no escape
She is trapped here in this bad place forever
Only she can release herself from this eternal hell
She is the one who controls her destiny
If this is rock bottom how much further can she fall?
She counts out her money
Just enough to pay the bill
Once, not that long a go she would have left a tip
Now she has to watch every penny
She keeps her head down in shame
Nobody wants to be around her now
Friends vanished into thin air
Family have washed their hands of her
She is a blot on the landscape
An embarrassment to them all
She didn’t mean for this to happen
She just made a silly mistake
One mistake
She didn’t listen to people’s warnings
She knew best
Now look at her
Alone, dirty and abandoned by life
Thrown out
Lost thrown away like an unwanted toy
Treated like dirt by those who once cared
She is nobody now
Just a number
A person with no name
Rain falls like a river
Soaked to the skin she walks round deserted streets
Killing time
She feels like she is being constantly punished for her sins
Tears fall softly from her eyes
She is so sad
There is no going back
She will never get her life back
It isn’t even worth the bother of trying anymore
For months she has tried
For months she has found herself struggling to cling onto life
Dignity is a hard think to find once it is lost
It is dark and her tears blur her eyes
Her limp hair clings to her face
A busy road, a speeding car
A screech of brakes on a wet road
Ambulance sirens
It is all too late
Dead at the scene
She is finally at peace
She can finally move on
She is free of her mistakes
Did she mean to die?
Maybe that is what it takes?


This is a piece about suicide and the suffering of one person at the hands of others.